The grass is always greener…

Let’s not pretend that you all haven’t noticed… because a majority of you have and most of you out of that group have even pointed it: I have really big boobs. Yes not what you were thinking. Aside from seeing as a professional photographer for a second, see me as a regular person; a friend of yours. I have finally made a choice to change that card that I have been dealt after a lot of deliberation. I have decided to change my fate labled as a woman with large breasts. There really is so much more to me than that and I am ready to exhibit that to people. I am also more than ready to receive to relief in my back for all of the weight that it has held up for many years now. Thank you, Back, for doing your part. It’s now your turn for a well deserved break.

To catch you up to speed on my reality, as a aged teen i had decided around 18 or 19 that having larger breasts and walking around for the rest of my life that this was something that wasn’t for me. As the saying goes you always want what you can’t have. When you have perfect curls you want pin straight hair. Its just how life goes…. the grass is always greener.

As I went throughout college and “found myself” (really though) I had started to manage my personality, my public vs private self (which are actually very closely merged at this point in my life), and my self-idenitiy. I have the blessing of going through this experience early. However, some are not as blessed as I am. Blessed. hmmmm interesting word….

Blessed. That is often what I hear when people describe my “figure” as you would call it. Im not very shameful when it comes to this topic, and I’d like to think that i have a realistic opinion on what and how others perceive my body image. It’s womanly, I’m curvy, full, tall, whatever. I’ve actually even heard some ex-boyfirends say that I am perfect and that they wouldn’t change one thing about me. Well, when your the one carrying the weight your the one that feels differently.

Obviously if you have been following me, my work as an artist, my personal views on woman in the media as an ongoing theme in my personal artwork and issues with development of self-idenenty, then you know what i stand by. For those new readers out there, I’ll catch you up to speed. I believe that woman now face so many challenges/ struggles with the ideals and expectations on body image and behaviors in woman. We are all influenced by the media everyday when we check our Facebook accounts 14 times in one minute, catch up on our latest tweets, driving to work and passing billboards, flipping through the hottest magazines during our lunch breaks and winding down with some of that trashy reality TV we love.

If you had the chance to make it to my senior show 2 years ago you know how much that years worth of work changed me so much and made me who I am. I discovered who I was and who I wanted to be. There was always that thought in the back of my head…. ‘I still want a breast reduction.’

It has been years of me going back and forth on this decision, and years later…. 6 years later here I am. I wasn’t ready to tell the world, I wasn’t ready to admit it even to some friends and family because I wanted it to be my choice and mine alone. I didn’t want others opinions and possible negativity on this matter. I didn’t want any one to talk me out of this if it was something i decided to do. Thats all it came down to. When I finally decided this year that this was the time and I was ready to make this life change and  commitment i only told a few of my closes friends and obviously my direct family.

Even with the select few, I still received mixed emotions. Everyones reaction was slightly different but at the end of the conversation it was always the same conclusion; the understanding and their love and support. overall, i have been very happy with everyone that I have told and am so excited. No amount of excitement though can mask the fear, the nerves and the worries that one may have leading up to a a major surgery such as this. There are always risks during surgery, there is always pain experience is the days following, no one can look past that. It feels like sometimes people expect their pain scale to be back at a “0” when it was a “10” before taking pain medication. Pain medication is made to help ease the pain not erase it. It would be completely unrealistic to expect it to vanish.

SOOOOOO my whole point of telling everyone that I am doing this and advertising my self and putting my body out there is all for a reason. Over and over, I researched images and articles, talked to my fair share of people that have also gone through this, but it was so hard for me to find real people out there (on the world wide web) and their thoughts on this and the process of going through the surgery and recovery. I was seraching and hoping through reading personal blogs that I would find others like me in my situation. I wanted to hear their stories. I wanted to have my questions answered. I wanted to be told what to expect. I wanted someone to inspire me and make me feel like I wasn’t alone. I want to be that person that I was searching for, so others like me can ease their minds of all the worries that I expierenced. My hopes are that I can take all that are interested in this through the process and involvement in having a breast reduction. I want to support others, help them through it, answer questions and help them however I can.

Finally, my surgery is TODAY and I am beyond thrilled that I am fortunate enough to have this opportunity. I love my surgeon, I love the hospital where I am going, but most of all I am so thankful to all of my friends and family that have offered their help to me in the next couple of weeks. It has really been a lot harder than I thought keeping this “secret”, but I’m so glad I did because now I’m ready, are you?. I’ve decided not to be that person that tries to hide it, partly because I feel like its going to be really noticeable and hard to lie. I don’t want to be that person. I want to share my story. After all, I have always been an open book, why stop now. I plan to keep you all updated and informed along every step of the way : ) Please feel free to ask me any thing at all ! If you dont feel comfotable commenting here on the blog please send me a private email at paintedeyephoto@gmail.com !And of course I will be documenting this whole thing with progress photos along the way but i just haven’t figured out how to put images like this of my self on here, or rather how I want to do it. But don’t worry-  problem solving is in my blood, its what I  do!

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